Why you should never say someone is "just like my own daughter"

First of all, congratulations to Ronda on winning two ESPY awards, for best female athlete and best fighter. 

Today, for the 6,000th time, I heard someone say that Ronda "is like my own daughter". This happened to occur in the context of me discussing someone's fee.

I was just fed up, so I responded, 

Really? She is like my own daughter, too, and I remember hundreds of times of getting up at 7 am to drive somewhere to take her to a tournament and staying there all day long. For years, I took her to practice 7 days a week, driving an hour and a half or two in L.A. traffic to get there, practiced with her, or waited for her and then drove back. I made sure she did her homework, that she was close to whatever weight she competed in, paid her tuition for private schools, for judo camps, for airfare to tournaments in Europe, for car insurance, car repairs, parking tickets. I went to her parent-teacher conferences, took her shopping for school clothes and argued with her about curfew on school nights.

I don't remember you being there.

Tonight, my youngest daughter told me that she actually needs to be driven to meet her soccer team tomorrow morning, not Friday. So, I will be getting up at 7 a.m. and driving 90 miles round trip to drop her off.  Maybe one of these people who claim to "be just like family" will show up at the door to take her instead?

Not holding my breath, though.

I have four daughters, and I may be biased, but I really do think they are all wonderful human beings.

Curiously, it's only the one that is making a lot of money and on TV a lot that people claim to "be just like my own daughter". Coincidentally, all of those people are making money off of her.

Let's try this instead,

"I will try to do  a good job for the money she pays me."

That is a perfectly fine thing to say, you know, and it doesn't leave me wondering what kind of scam you are trying to pull.

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Since I do NOT make any money off of my daughter (and also because I think it is a very worthwhile thing to do), I make computer games that make you smarter.

You can check them out here.

Want to run your judo / jiu-jitsu school like a business?

Do you want to run your martial arts school like a business and make your living doing it, instead of going to your school AFTER you do whatever it is that you do for a living? Well, don't ask me! I run a company that makes video games.

They'll make you smarter! Buy them here!

What's that, you say? You actually want to run a martial arts school ? Did you at least buy the games? Okay, well, fine then .... here is what you should do ... learn from someone who was actually able to quit his day job and run the martial arts school he dreamed about. If you live in Arizona, or are just looking for an excuse to go to Phoenix for a couple of days ... check this out.

On Saturday, August 22nd Arizona Freestyle Judo will have two, 4 hour blocks of instruction with James Wall for Adults:

1. 4 hour Coach/Instructor Education Seminar - How to coach/instruct younger students ages 6 to 14 (participants will receive a certificate recognizing their professionalism in continuing education) - $50.00.
2. 4 hour Technical Judo Seminar for all experience levels - Gi required - $50.00.

On Saturday, August 22nd we will also have a 2 hour block of instruction for kids ages 6 to 14, followed by a team-building party at a nearby water park - $50.00.

There will be a discount for those who register and pay early. For example, those adults who register and pay for both blocks of instruction early - $80.00 and a free T-shirt as a gift. Kids who register and pay early - $40.00 or a free T-shirt.

Coaches/Instructors who bring a large number (6 - 10 or more) of players (esp. kids and Jrs) to the conference will get a complimentary room. And will be able to attend Jame's "Business Success Seminar for Professional Martial Artist" free.

Interested? Contact Scott Decker at azfreestylejudo@gmail.com

Podcast Topics A-Z

Deciding to create a podcast, I thought I'd start out with a list of topics. Yesterday, I ran across a challenge to writers to write for 26 days in a row, posts with topics from A to Z. I thought I'd do that as well as the numbers 1-10.  In addition, Maria would have to do a different topic with the same letter. I included one of hers she had mentioned here for her.

1. Armbars and knowing your strengths
2. Book writing
3. Compartmentalize- how I get so much done
4. Don't Mistake Colleagues for Friends
5. Every day we get better / Employees that don't do shit
6. Friends aren't all created equal
7. Games that make you smarter
8. How not to get your sorry ass fired
9. Industrial engineering applied to life
10. Judo can be bad for your future
11. Keep on learning
12. Lego theory of judo and business - make sure it all fits together
13. More worth than they are trouble - my feeling on children
14. No one cares how you feel
15. Obsession pros and cons 
16. Perfect isn't your married name
17. Quit thinking it's okay to be ignorant about math (or, let them code games about cake)
18. Rules for when to shut the hell up
19. Seriously, chill.
20. Tech fields are so biased but I'm going to succeed any way
21. Unicorn questions
22. Vantage point on My Fight/ Your Fight (and other shit Ronda says that I don't agree with)
23. When you're the expert, you're on your own
24. X-ray scanners in North Dakota and other opportunities
25. You are you. That is truer than true.
26. Zebra dreams

So ... that is a start on our topics. I'll get on to the 1-10 tomorrow. I'm still taking requests as Maria has not bought the microphone yet.

Stone Soup Coaches

When my kids were little, one of their favorite stories was "Stone Soup". It goes like this:

A poor and hungry traveler arrives in a town known for its stinginess. All of the people claim to have no food to share. He says that's okay because he has a magic stone that can make soup. He asks for a pot of water and drops in the stone. After a while, he says that it would be much better if it had carrots. Someone brings him a carrot. He adds, it would be better with some beef. Someone brings him beef. In the end, there is a terrific soup with all of these ingredients added by the townspeople while they are marveling at the miracle of soup from a stone.

It struck me that many coaches are like the stone. Athletes believe that whatever coach they are training with at the moment is the magic ingredient that is bringing them success, when the victories are really due to the work ethic, physical ability and skills the athlete brings and has nothing at all to do with the coach. Think about it.

You'll see a club with a lot of successful athletes and think it is the coach, but often when you look a little more closely, you'll find that those athletes all came from different clubs where they had been equally successful. If you come back in a year or two, many of those athletes will be at different clubs again, where they will still be successful. The common element isn't the coach, but the athlete.

I am not saying that there are no good coaches, but that there are far fewer and their impact is far less than generally believed.

Sometimes, when I see people moving to train at a certain club or a certain gym, I'm tempted to warn them, but I don't. There are a few reasons. First of all, they didn't ask me. Secondly, my own children don't heed my advice half the time, so what makes me think other people's children would. Most of the reason, though, is that people who are moving for the coach or gym who is the "magic bullet" are probably doomed to failure anyway.

As John Saylor says,

"The problem with moving to fix your problems, is that you take yourself with you. And sometimes, that's the worst guy you could bring."

For other athletes, that's the best guy. I have a nickname for those athletes. I call them "Soup".

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Feel smarter after reading this blog? You'd be even smarter if you played our games.

Games that make you smarter - for kids and people who can remember having been a kid.
 

How Almost Punching My Friend Kim Leads to a Podcast

Last week, I went to lunch with a couple of friends. One of them, who will remain nameless except that her name is Kim, was being recruited by the other for a very good job. So, Kim says,

I don't know if I could do that. It involves managing people and a certain level of technical skill.

Which was the point when I said,

Don't make me punch you.

This is the point when, if she had been my child instead of a friend, I would have punched her for saying something so self-deprecating. Now you know why all of my children have such high self-esteem. It is self defense.

Seriously, Kim has amazing managerial skills and her technical expertise is of such level that if the company gets her for that job the hiring manager should go to mass, light candles to give thanks and just to be on the safe side in case God really isn't Catholic (as if!), sacrifice a live chicken on the way home.

So, when Ronda suggested (repeatedly) that I should do a video blog or a podcast, I was not going to do that 'woman thing', with the giggling and the, "Oh, no, not little old me, I couldn't do that." Because that behavior makes me want to punch people so much that I'd end up punching myself in the face and if I start up with the self-injurious behavior at my age, it's likely the family will put it down as early senility and my next post will be written from the Daisy Hill Home for Old Farts.

Therefore, I have decided to take the following two steps to my eventual podcast:

1. Buy a microphone that is not part of a $30 headset I bought at Best Buy. I have about six of those headsets because I always forget to bring one when I leave town.
2. Make a list of blog posts from the past 7 years that can be used for topics on the podcast. I have written this blog for 7 years, a blog on statistics, business and random rambling for 7 years and a blog on startups and gaming for 2 years. That's 16 years worth of blogs, for those of you who are not good at math (and do we have a game for you!)

You might think it would be easy - just grab 100 of those blog posts, turn it into a podcast, and done! Yeah, Roy Hash said that to Jim Pedro, Sr. & I when he suggested writing a book. It took us two years to finish Winning on the Ground and Roy is still hiding from us in Texas. 

Actually, I lied. I'm going to have Maria buy the microphone. That is what we in business call "management", so, now I only have one step left, which is to select the blog topics. If this takes me as long as the book, Ronda better hope Roy has a spare bedroom in his house in Texas.

---------- Want to be smarter?
Of course you do !

Try Fish Lake - spear fish, search in the woods and remember all about fractions, because maturity is over-rated

I wrote a book, too.
It's called Winning on the Ground. About winning. On the ground.

Podcast, Video Blog & Other Stuff I Know Nothing About

Now that my children are (mostly) grown, I don't tell them what to do. On occasion, I give them advice and they can take it or leave it. I tell them once, because I'm not talking for exercise for my mouth.

If it is something I am absolutely convinced I'm right about though,  I will bring it up again. And again.

Much less often do they give advice to me, so when Ronda suggested for the fourth or fifth time that I should do a video blog or a podcast, instead of dismissing her idea with "I did a couple of youtube videos on our last trip to North Dakota and it took too much time that I don't have", we actually discussed it.

Her thought was it would bring more attention to 7 Generation Games.

 My thought on podcasts was:

• Most I have heard are so bad that I would rather suck sweaty donkey balls than have to ever listen to them again.
• Those that don't suck seem to come in two categories

1. Podcasts by comedians - and I'm not that funny.
2. Podcasts on eclectic, interesting topics

 Okay, I can do eclectic, interesting. I write this blog that rambles from judo to parenting to business. Another blog that is mostly on statistics and programming and occasionally on how not to get your sorry ass fired. I write a third blog on gaming, business, and the business of gaming.

What would I podcast about? Is podcast even a verb?

What I know I would NOT do is a 'business podcast that sucks' - but that is redundant, because as far as I can tell, all business podcasts suck. Seriously, you may have a couple of good ideas on marketing but after the 14th episode you are reduced to talking for an hour to Joe Scum who wrote the book on Search Engine Optimization and your audience of 3 people who somehow have their phone stuck on your podcast are looking around for some sweaty donkey balls to suck to take their minds off of it.

I am actually taking this suggestion seriously and will be taking steps to make it happen. For an explanation of those exact steps and how they relate to not punching my friend, Kim, you will have to wait until tomorrow (if tomorrow is defined as 'when I get around to it').

How to raise your children to be good people

The title of this blog is deceptive because it implies an answer.

 Anyone who claims to know how to raise children to be good men and women is lying. Most parents do the best they can. Then, there are a few people who are living proof that a parenting license test should be implemented. Hell, the damage you can do in a car accident is minor compared to how bad parenting can wreak havoc.

The marvelously talented Hans Gutknecht took this picture today of Ronda, Justin Flores, who is coaching her  in judo leading up to her world title defense, and Josh Ramirez who was training with her.



It occurred to me that I remember when everyone in it was born (except me) and I was very happy today seeing what fine people they had grown up to be.

My four wonderful children are doing wonderfully well at the moment so people ask me for advice. To quote Shayna Baszler,

I will not share with you the answers that I have not got.

I asked Jake (Justin's dad) what he thought, and he said,

I tried my best. 

Which sounds a lot like Shayna's answer.

 Today, I was driving by a huge billboard advertising Special Olympics and I thought to myself,

I'm so achievement-oriented, I don't think I would be a good parent for a child with a disability.

It was several miles down the road before it occurred to me that I had one child who had epilepsy and another who had developmental delays and required years of speech therapy. Never for one second did I consider either of them to have a disability. I just wasn't having it.  This makes it sound like I thought things through, but not really.

 It just never occurred to me that my children were anything short of amazing in every way. That is one thing that I know Justin's parents, Josh's parents and I did have in common.

If you think all parents think that way, I can assure you that they do not.