Tuesday, June 26, 2007


At left is a picture of me because my friend Laura said I should include a picture that did not look like it was taken by a guy with a cane and a German shepherd on a dark night.

In revenge, let me tell you a story about Laura, who was one of the many unwilling to pay me hush money. On her 50th birthday, while I slaved away on my laptop in the hotel room in the Bahamas, she was scubadiving with sharks. One would assume by 50 a person who would go diving with sharks would have the sense to do so inside of a cage - but not Laura! No, she is out there passing out fish to actually live, humongous, Jaws-auditioning sharks with nothing between her and them but a wetsuit!

When I pointed out to her that this was possibly not the wisest thing since the guy who said, "Floor it, Earl, you can beat that train. It aint going so fast."

She responded, "They weren't going to bother me. They had plenty of fish to eat."
NOTE TO SELF: Stay away from things with big teeth that have been known to eat people, ignoring all of Laura's arguments that this is not a rational perspective. Rational is clearly used here with one of its meanings with which I have not previously been familiar.

Continuing on the topic from my last post of things that annoy me are people who complain about their relationships. I know a number of women who could spend entire months going on about how every man she ever had in her life 'done me wrong'. I know plenty of men who fall into the same camp. My first solution is that they should form two clubs and then date each other, like sororities and fraternities on a college campus.

I can only feel sympathy to a point. I have decided that point is 21, for the reason that it is half of 42 which you should know, is the answer to life, the universe and everything. If you don't know, read the book. What book? Life, the universe and everything. It's a great book, by Douglas Adams, weren't you paying attention?

As for paying attention, for crying out loud, why are you complaining about the men/ women/ amphibians you have had in your life? You picked them, didn't you? It's not as if you were sold into slavery at age 13 and each progressive evil member of the opposite sex passed you off to the next one.

Yes, I do understand that people tend to repeat the patterns they experienced as children. However, I would think at some point after you have had a rotten experience with say, the fifth guy who is an alcoholic, you would write in your journal,
NOTE TO SELF: If he gets drunk and throws an object at me before the third date, dump him!

I have noticed that I post here with much greater frequency than in my corporate blog, which, if you are truly fascinated, is located here:


There is a reason for that. Our company blog is limited to socially appropriate postings which would not offend any clients or funding agencies. I have found that I have inappropriate thoughts far more often than appropriate ones.

Hence the discrepancy.


Anonymous said...

The great book is called "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy".

Tyson Hartnett said...


Anonymous said...

The Laura story was indeed my own.That was my 50th BD gift too.Even if you lose a limb,swiming with sharks is totally worth it.I did use a cage thought!.Hehehe