Thursday, December 10, 2015

Religion Explained As Directions to Ma's Doughnut Shop

Someone made a video explaining sexual assault in terms of tea. It was brilliant.  For example:

If someone asks you for tea, you make it and you come back in the room and they are passed out drunk, you don't pour the tea on them just because you made it. Unconscious people don't want tea.

I was flying home today through multiple airports where I passed people wearing hijabs and cowboy hats and yarmulkes and it got me thinking for some random reason about how religion is like directions to Ma's Doughnut Shop in Trenton, New Jersey.


Say you think Ma's Doughnut Shop is north of Broadway & Main and I think it is south. There are four possibilities:

  1. I'm right.
  2. You're right.
  3. Neither of us is right. It's east or west of Broadway and Main.
  4. It's impossible to be right because Ma's Doughnut Shop does not exist. Maybe it never did exist, or it closed down five years ago.

Here is what is perfectly okay :
  • I can tell you that I think I am right and I don't believe the same as you. I think you are wrong. 
  • I think I'm right but I don't tell you anything because you can go off north if you want. I don't really care what you do.
  • You can tell me that you think you're right and that you think I'm wrong. 
  • You can think you are right and keep it to yourself, because what do you care if I go south.
  • We can argue and try to convince each other until we get tired of talking.
Here is what is NOT okay.
  • You shooting me for thinking Ma's is to the south.
  • Me grabbing you and trying to force you to go south.
  •  Me shooting you for thinking Ma's is to the north.
  • You trying to force me to go north because that is the correct direction.
  • Refusing to hire someone because their belief about the location of the doughnut shop.
  • Refusing to rent or sell a home to someone because of their Ma's Doughnut views.
  • Refusing to allow anyone into the country because of their Ma's Doughnut orientation.
I'm Catholic. That's very important to me in my life. But it's MY life. If you are Jewish, Muslim, atheist or worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that's your right. I disagree with you - a lot, actually - but we have this thing called freedom of religion in America.

So, while I feel pretty confident that I'm going to end up eating some chocolate doughnuts while you'll be cooling your heels in Hoboken, you've got every right to keep heading north every weekend.

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11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shootings, terrorism and violence are more indicative of class warfare between the rich and poor than they are differences in religious demographics. Extremists typically have humble origins in poor regions of the world where they're victims of western imperialism. Its no coincidence that their movements are centered in the poorest, most oppressed regions of the middle east. Its not a coincidence that they're pissed off at every country that is wealthier and has more than they do. Its the two sided coin of imperialism. The corporate media spin mislabels it a "religious war". It would be more accurate to say it represents a divide separating the rich and poor. As that divide widens and deepens, the problem will become increasingly worse.

Stromkins said...

A lovely illustration of how whack-a-doodle a lot of people are being....

LsP said...

I wonder if going through a real-live terrorist attack (without extras running around screaming) will change your mind on any of the above points.

Bobcatsalesman said...

I would totally worship a Flying Spaghetti Monster. In all seriousness though, despite not being an atheist myself, all I can do on the subject of God is refer to Stephen Fry, whom I think hit the nail on the head with his thoughts on God.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-suvkwNYSQo

Now, I can fully respect peoples choices when it comes to religion, at the end of the day its your life, your body and your time you're investing into it and everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, that is something I will respect until the day I stop drawing breath. I will not however respect God, if he/she does indeed exist (and believe me, I'm open to the possibility of a God existing, I'm not an atheist, more an agnostic), for much the same reasons Stephen Fry stated however, I simply cannot respect such a God.

Jan Scott said...

Writing on religion? Bold.

As for Ma's Doughnuts use your phone or GPS to get directions. Two people who can't figure that out seem the sort to waste time arguing over religion.

Anonymous said...

After reading this entry I don't know whether I should smoke a bunch of weed... or smoke a bunch of weed.

Dr. AnnMaria said...

Dear Jan -

Sometimes a GPS can be wrong. Don't have so much blind faith in the GPS :-D

dustydog said...

When somebody proudly says they want to murder me, and is proud about trying to trick his way into the US to kill me, I don't trust anyone who insists that he really just wants to visit Ma's for fresh doughnuts. I take a self-proclaimed murderer at his word.

Insisting that he is a dirty liar, and all he really wants is doughnuts, is abetting evil. It doesn't have anything to do with doughnuts. He's willing to say he just wants doughnuts as a cover for wanting to kill me, not the other way around. And if a politician uses 'doughnut lovers' as a short-hand slur, the risk to my safety is still more important to me than politically correct outrage over what 'doughnut love' means.

Jan Scott said...

In my experience most 'GPS mistakes' were user mistakes.

Anonymous said...

You have to be either the most sheltered, naive person that ever lived or the stupidest person on the planet if you think for one second that any sucessful multinational corporation bases their everyday practices or sucesses on honesty...a few names here...microsoft, Ford Motor Co., British Petroleum, The Federal reserve Bank, The federal government!!!! For God's sake woman. Do you live on fucking Mars? Every sucessful major business is corrupted and dishonest. It is called business. Did you learn nothing while in school? I cannot even believe that people like you exist. Do you think that the pacific ocean is filled with enough plastic to bury the state of Texas with a 10' thick cover of garbage because of honest business practices?...or thousands of acres of land outside Yakima Washington saturated with lethal levels if plutonium waste....or are all these billionaires that benefitted by their dishonest practices just stupid like you. Wake up...you sound like you are 12 years old.

Bobcatsalesman said...

@the above Anonymous poster - not every successful company is corrupt. Many are, that part is absolutely undeniable, it's the world we live in however and it won't change tomorrow and it certainly didn't start yesterday. for thousands of years humans have been dishonest to gain advantages over other people, its part of who we are at this point and until some sort of magically universal fairy currency comes to fruition its not going to change, ever.

As for the note of pollution which I see you have touched on quite what I can only describe as emotionally. You realise that landfills create natural gasses right? natural gasses that are being harnessed to generate electricity, enough to power literally millions upon millions of homes. If you want to get technical, holding ALL of America's garbage for the next one hundred years (as of this post) would require a space only 255 feet high or deep and 10 miles a side, let that sink in for 1 moment, the sheer size of what I've just said, for the next. 100. years. To put that into perspective, America is approx 9.857 million km² in size.

You should spend less time listening to the media, the media revel and flourish from doom and gloom, spend a few hours going through actual studies carried out by reputable universities and scientific groups, you'll see a whole new outcome on life and never listen to the media again, I 100% guarantee it.