Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I never thought I'd have to say this but...
Raising four daughters, who now range from age ten to twenty-five, with an extra niece thrown in for good measure, our household is not typical, it occurred to me, based on the things you would think you would never have an occasion to say.
No, you cannot get a monkey and a penguin.
No, you cannot get a penguin even if you paint your room black and white and make it stand real still.
No you cannot get a monkey no matter how many tournaments you or your sister win by ippon.
If you advertise your sister's underwear on ebay I WILL sell you for scientific experiments.
Don't you dare go to work before you pick up all of the pieces of that computer and put it back together.
Do not do naked cartwheels in the living room when we have company.
You skipped Algebra and told your Buddhist teacher that it was a religious holiday, St. Frances Day? Who the hell is St. Frances, the patron saint of liars?
No, you cannot skip mass if you promise to feel really guilty about it.
Yes, you can have a Thanksgiving crab instead of a Thanksgiving turkey.
Yes, that's blood on that uniform but it's somebody else's blood, so it's okay.
Don't worry about the blood, it will wash out.
For future reference, if an animal is bleeding on the sheets A) take the animal to the vet and B) change the sheets, preferably in that order.
I don't care if your toe is broken, you have nine more toes. Besides, no judo technique really requires all ten toes anyway.
What do you mean you need to be picked up because you have "female problems"? Unless your female problem is that you just gave birth in the school library, you can walk the six blocks home.