Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Stupidest Judo Question

It has been said that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Anyone who thinks that has never been a judo instructor. Also, as someone else said, if there is no such thing as a stupid question, what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they suddenly become smart just in time to ask a question?

I have been requested to stick to judo for a change. Today I just wanted to share with you the stupidest judo question I ever get.

"Do you think you could defeat a Ninja?"

The answer is,

"I would not fight a ninja. I would move out of the way and let him be stomped by my unicorn."

To which the questioner replies,

"There is no such thing as unicorns. You don't HAVE a unicorn!"

My answer to this being,

"Like YOU have a ninja?"

I live by the beach in Santa Monica. It's a beautiful place, home to aging yuppies and sun-burnt tourists. There are not hordes of ninjas roaming the place, and if there were, they would not be real ninjas but extras for some movie being filmed here for the American Film Market, and yeah, I am pretty sure I could take them. Most of them are off-duty waiters and waitresses from the Fish Co. anyway.

Second stupidest question:

"What if I attacked you? I'm a man. Do you really think a woman your size could beat me with your judo?"

"No, I'd shoot you."

"You can't shoot me. That's illegal. Besides, you don't have a gun."
"Well, technically, that's true, however, if you were dead it's not as if you could tell anyone I did it. And I could always plead self-defense. Besides, if you can hypothetically attack me, I can hypothetically shoot you. If you aren't really going to attack me, then I don't need a real gun."

Some people think I am a horrible person and no one who says such things should be allowed to be on the board of the United States Judo Association. However, it is a proven fact that having a sense of humor is related to a longer life expectancy. So, I can only conclude that those people who hold that view are going to die soon, leaving socially inappropriate people like me in control.

Now isn't that a thought scarier than ninjas?


Anonymous said...

mom i love your posts keep it up

Anonymous said...

There is nothing so rare in modern society as a sense of humor. By this I don't mean the ability to make a joke, but the ability to accept one. In particular, few people seem able to truly laugh at themselves. We take ourselves so seriously that we miss the humor that is us.

Anonymous said...

What, you have a unicorn too? And I thought I was the only one. Mine is a guy unicorn. I keep him posted outside the dojo door to keep clumsy minded people out. I'm willing to work with clumsy people until they learn ukemi, tachi-waza and even cartwheels.
I'd rather clumsy minded people go downstairs to the main gymn and study non-contact Karate.

Chris Torres said...

If the ninja's knew who you where they would be the ones running away !!!

Anonymous said...

My godzilla could defeat your unicorn.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said... Mars socially inappropriate people like you,keep me amused and all the hypocrites away.Thanks!