"When was the last time you were afraid?"
I answered him honestly,
"I don't think I have been afraid for a very, very long time. Not since I was a child, because I figured out early on, that is how people control you."
I remember precisely. I was 8.
Yeah, pretty crazy, but a lot of stuff in my life that seemed normal at the time is kind of insane when I look back on it. That's another story, though.
When I was in juvenile hall, this belief was even more confirmed. They find out what you are afraid of - being locked in solitary, handcuffed - whatever it is - and then they threaten you with that.
It's not that stuff didn't hurt. I was a 14-year-old girl with my hands handcuffed behind my back having a full grown man who was a guard punch me in the face. Yeah, it hurt. That's why I don't talk about this stuff very much, because it totally sucked. It's why I don't write my autobiography - because who wants to relive that shit?
I'm talking about it today, though, because I see too many people living lives that are dominated by fear, even if they won't admit it to themselves.
- I'm afraid we won't get along if we work together.
- I'm afraid of what people will say if I quit my job.
- I'm afraid no one will love me if I break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend .
- I'm afraid I'll lose everything if I start a business.
- I'm afraid immigrants will take my jobs if we let them in the country.
- I'm afraid Muslims will kill me if we let them in the country.
- I'm afraid my mother won't love me if I say honestly what I think.
- I'm afraid my children won't respect me if I admit I made mistakes.
- I'm afraid if I leave this group of friends I'll never find real friends again.
I could go on and on and on.
When did we become such cowards?
If I was afraid of something, I would do it and then I wouldn't be afraid any more. The worst thing that you think will happen probably won't and even if it does, you'll survive it and be stronger.
God, just stop! If I could do it when I was 8, you can sure the fuck do it now at however old you are.