(Almost) Everything I Needed to Know as a Mother I Learned at Judo Practice

... and most of the rest I learned from my mother and grandmother.

“A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking”

Nice quote from Helen Rice. Not sure it completely describes me. Although I love my children very much, I do believe that certain behaviors are less likely to re-occur if they are followed by a hard rap on the child's head. On more than one occasion, I have threatened to sell a child for scientific experiments or skin her alive and tack her hide upside the door as a warning to her sisters.

Despite all of that, they turned out okay. I learned a lot in college, I did get four degrees after all. Recently, though, I was watching a youtube video from last year of my daughter, Maria, receiving the Emerging Journalist Award from the National Hispanic Journalists Association.

What struck me is that the comments her editors and mentors made about her in the video, were the same comments Ronda's coaches make about her, that Jenn's friends make about her and that Julia's teachers say.

"Maria does not possess the deadliest sin in journalism - fear."

"This kid (Ronda) fears no one. She will throw it down with Olympians, national champions, anybody."

"The really cool thing about Jenn is she is not afraid to stand up to anybody and say what she thinks."

"Julia came up to me (the principal) and said she had a complaint about the way the other girls were treating a new girl in her class. She said, Yeah, she's a little bit annoying but she is not that annoying. They're being mean to her and that's not right."

Years ago, one of the students in an Educational Psychology course that I was teaching wrote a paper on Character Education. The state had something like six "pillars of character education" while the Catholic school curriculum had twelve. I don't recall all of the additional 'pillars' that the Catholic school had but I remember that two of them were courage - courage to stand up for one's rights and courage to stand up for the rights of others.

Maria's award was based on a series of articles she wrote in response to attacks on her for writing her articles in Spanish and English. In her acceptance speech she says,

"You need to know that you do have a voice ... and to take a stand for what you believe in."

Even in high school, Jenn knew to stand her ground. Maria warned her that grade school friendships don't stand up in high school, that everybody is like that. Jenn said simply,

"I'm not everybody."

When she was home last weekend, now a college graduate, her two best friends from elementary school and her two new friends she had met in high school all dropped by the house and dragged her out to celebrate life, friendship and being twenty-two. (Yeah, I hate 'em, too!)

There has been a lot of attention in the media lately about Fletcher Thornton resigning after the New York Times article on the multiple charges that he drugged and molested teenage athletes as well as related articles many other places, including the Associated Press. Credit, deservedly so, has been given to Ronda for first drawing attention to this in her blog and a post on the Judo Forum.

Yes, I am proud of Ronda for standing up, but some, no A LOT, of due has to be given to the girls, now women, who have come forward. One of them is a friend of mine from way back and the other is someone I have just recently met over the Internet. The courage they have shown to speak out knowing that, in at least one case, what was done to them has now become public knowledge, downloaded by thousands of people - it is pretty amazing. What Ronda did was lend her voice to stand up for the rights of others.

What Maria did in Fort Wayne was lend her voice to stand up for people in the community who cannot often speak out.

Jenn is equally amazing. When girls are under so much pressure in high school to conform, to fit in, to turn their backs on old friends, she never blinked. None of my girls have ever been perfect (unlike their mother!). In high school, Maria wore all the right designer clothes, was a cheerleader and on the track team. Ronda had a lot of trouble fitting in during elementary school and was very unhappy. Maria said,

"You just need to decide what part of yourself you are willing to give up or hide to be popular."

Laying on the couch in her overalls, Jenn piped up,

"That's easy to answer. Nothing."

When Julia, who had just barely turned ten years old, ran for student council, she had to stand up in front of the entire school of 300+ students and give a reason for everyone, even the seventh and eighth graders, to vote for her. She said,

"I think I would be a good Commissioner of Publicity because I am a good speaker, I am in the Debate Club, and I have three older sisters so I have a lot of experience speaking up loudly to be heard."

She got elected.

So, what did I learn from judo that I passed on to my kids?

Don't be afraid of anyone. Never back down. Your mother loves you enough to kick you out of the house and make you go to judo practice, debate club, soccer, cheerleading, computer animation classes - anything just to get off the couch and do something. Not exactly all the secrets of life, but it is not a bad start.

In other news...

Jim Pedro, Sr. told Ronda to take the post on her blog down. When I reminded him about that this week he said he didn't say it was wrong for her to post it, just that she needed to focus on the Olympics and that she HAD been training and completely focused so he was right. If you have not met Jim, one thing you should know about him is that he NEVER admits he is wrong. No matter what happens he can turn it around so it comes out in the end as if he is right. It is a gift he has.

Still, it was very cool to hear Jim won the Goodyear "Get There" award for his support of Ronda. This is an award for those who helped Olympic athletes get to where they are. They selected three "medal winners" from around the country and Jim was one of them. He deserves it.

Grumpy old people (and one young judo player)

If my friend, old and seldom grumpy judo coach Bruce Toups, is correct and the best classroom is hanging around an old person, Ronda ought to have several graduate degrees by now.

Jim Pedro, Sr. has had Ronda training these past few weeks until she could barely do anything by the end of the day but lay in bed and watch movies for a few minutes before dropping off to sleep. She is often convinced that her tombstone will read:

"Here lies Ronda Rousey. Her coaches trained her to death."

As much as it would probably pain both of them to admit it, Ronda and Jim agree on a lot. Each Olympics we see people after the Olympic Trials whose goal was to make the team. They have met their goals and are satisfied, training no harder than they were before the trials. There is certainly nothing wrong with setting a goal to compete in the Olympics and achieving that goal. That's just not Ronda. Jim has had her training harder than ever, and one of his big areas of focus has been conditioning.

This week, he insisted that she watch the movie, Million Dollar Baby. (Short plot summary: Young woman wants to be successful boxer. Grumpy old coach trains her really hard, she progresses, but in the last match she is injured and dies.)

He told her she needed to get that attitude. One day, she turned to him during practice and said,

"We're working out harder than that girl in Million Dollar Baby."

Jim answered without batting an eye,

"Yeah, well she lost. That's why you're training harder than her. You're going to win."

I think people misunderstand Jim's focus on conditioning. It is not that he doesn't believe technique is important. It is that he understands that you can do more judo techniques when you are in condition. Further, sometimes conditioning can make up for less than perfect technique. When I was younger, I often fought people who had better technique than me if you were measuring us like a nage no kata competition. If they could have gotten me moving, they maybe could have done a foot sweep or a beautiful uchimata. Unfortunately for them, I was strong enough to get a grip, lock them in one place, knock them down for a koka and do matwork. Who says matwork is not a technique? My matwork is full of techniques.

I see a lot of people with great technique who try to use that to make up for a lack of conditioning. I also see people who are in great shape who try to use that to make up for lack of technique. Both of those are just laziness, taking the easy route.
This is one of those lines Ronda has heard so many times she rolls her eyes every time I say it,

"It's a long way to the top of the world."

I can guarantee you this, the easy route doesn't get you there.

A few other lessons Ronda may have learned, these came from Bruce Toups, and I added in parentheses my advice.

• It's a bad idea to corner anything meaner than you. (Since you intend to own every square inch and corner of that mat, you better be the meanest thing out there.)



• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. (Judo advice: If you are in a match, you do something and you get countered or blocked, the next time do something different. While this may seem brain-dead obvious, watch a few matches at the next tournament and see how many times a person will, e.g., try tai otoshi, even when it is not working, because, well, tai otoshi is what that person does.)



• Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled. (My children say I yell at them. This is a lie. What I do is say things they don't want to hear. As a parent and as a coach, there are two things I think you should say only sparingly and when you do, you better mean them - "I am proud of you", and "I am ashamed of you". If your opinion matters, those words will mean a lot to the person no matter how loudly or quietly you say them. If your opinion doesn't matter, you're wasting your breath."

Another bit of wisdom from Bruce was that I might want to consider retiring to the south because it is the only region of the country where, "He needed killin' " is considered a valid defense. I'm thinking about it.


-------------- Breaking News Links ------------------------

Accusations of molestation by USA Judo official, Fletcher Thornton, New York Times article

USA Judo: A voice on the web - is a New York Times blog on, in an Escher-type way, blogging, and how it is changing how athletes can communicate about the national governing body

Do not put your butt up in the air

In today's episode of Sneakerdoodle Zebra Judo, we emphasize that timeless judo adage,

"Do not put your butt up in the air".

As illustrated on the video, there are few situations in judo, as in life, when it is advantageous to stick your butt up in the air. If you are looking for one of those situations here, dude, do you ever have the wrong video!

Anyway, as you can clearly see, it is far preferable to settle your weight down and put your stomach on the mat.



Also included, a shout-out to Ronda. Oh, and pumpkin, we got your voice mail and we all feel really bad about your nipples.

Random Thoughts on Judo in My Life

One of my things on 43things.com is to be grateful every day. This is actually pretty easy because I have a generally great life.

Today, we took Julia to a camp rally. The skit by the counselors was kind of funny, but the meeting was longer and more boring than I would have picked if I was Queen of the Universe. Still, the whole reason we were there is because we have this healthy, bright kid who is going to camp with a bunch of friends. When they said kids could sign up for a cabin together, Julia had three friends sign on her sheet. I know that part of her being happy, healthy and self-confident is judo. Part of it is the grace of God,and I mean that literally. I have spent much of my career working with children with disabilities and their families.

Julia got a good start in life and her family and community have helped her get better. Everyone from her older sister, Jenn, who brought her a new Roald Dahl book when she came to visit, to Kenji Osugi who lectured the kids last week on trying to be a USJF Academic All-American by getting at least a 3.75 GPA to the other kids at judo saying, "Yes, I got it last year", everyone encourages her and supports her.

On the way home, we stopped to eat because I was starving and, although I miss a lot of things about competing, I am so grateful that I don't have to cut weight any more. That is something I kept from judo. After a decade of cutting weight every time I eat I am grateful.

This weekend, after lunch with a friend, we were discussing how nearly all of the women we knew my age are 40, 60 or 100 pounds overweight. I am grateful that even though I eat peanut butter and chocolate yogurt with chocolate syrup, potato chips and a BLT for dinner, I still can wear the jeans that fit me when I was competing. It is because I do judo five or six hours every week that I can.

Speaking of random thoughts, I am certainly not saying we all need to be the weight we were at 23. I may be the same number of pounds, but I can guarantee you that those pounds are located in different places than they were 26 years ago. Still, I think people who are high-ranking judo instructors, who claim to have a sixth or seventh degree black belt or be some mucky-muck woohooshidan ought to at least make an effort to be a good advertisement for judo. People stop me all the time in line at the grocery store or as I eat a banana split and Ben and Jerry's and say,

"Wow, you're really in good shape, what do you do to work out?"

and I tell them that I do judo and tell them a little about it. Now, I know that what they are really thinking, is,

"The old wrinkled lady looks good for her age."

Still, that is better than what I am sure they thinking looking at some older "judo players",

"Dude! That fat blob is a seventh-degree black belt in judo. Whatever that judo stuff is, it obviously doesn't burn calories."

Come on, work out, try to be a decent advertisement for your sport instead of an embarrassment.



I watched a video of Ronda winning her first match in the Olympic trials. She was in a bad mood that morning. No, this doesn't have anything to do with what I was just talking about. Did you not read the title?The match lasted seven seconds. Just everything was going wrong. We didn't have time for breakfast. When the muppets sang about breakfast being the most important meal of the day, they were thinking of Ronda, who probably eats half her calories before 10 a.m. We didn't have time for her to shower. I don't understand why it is that these kids take three times as long to get ready as I do. It's not as if they have any more parts to wash or anything. Anyway, we arrived later than Jimmy wanted, she was hungry, needed a shower and Jim yelled at her. So, yeah, the match went pretty quick, and you can tell by the look on her face that at the end of it she was still ready to fight some more.

I am grateful that my little pumpkin is such a great judo player. These days, she is making all of the right decisions. Jim worries about her and pushes her hard, as he should, but she really is training to beat the world, and it shows.

I am grateful that she has her older sister around to keep an eye on her and balance the pressure to win a gold medal with babysitting and just generally admiring the fact that Eva Ortiz is the most amazing baby in the world.

On another random note, I ran across Keith Morgan's blog today. I wouldn't know Keith Morgan if I bit him on his cauliflower ear, which I just assume he has because hey, he is a judo player. His is unlike a lot of blogs on judo I read, which can be summed up as follows,
"MONDAY: I did judo today. Then I ate.
TUESDAY: I should have gone to judo but I laid on the couch and ate potato chips instead.
WEDNESDAY: I thought about going to judo but it was raining.
THURSDAY: I did 11 uchikomis today. Judo is hard. I ate a burger."

He's actually articulate and gives a good picture of what it is really like to be training. I was even interested enough about him after reading his blog to read and see that he graduated from McGill (for you Americans that is kind of like the Canadian version of Harvard or Yale) and that he competes at 100 kg. Maybe I will actually watch him compete in Beijing. I thought maybe he was 90 kg and would be on the same day as Ronda.

Speaking of Ronda, my tickets for the Olympics showed up today. No one else is going with me, I have to get my visa at the Chinese embassy this week, I will be sitting all by myself in the stadium but I expect to see Ronda get a gold medal so I won't mind if I have to sit on top of a garbage can.

Speaking of cauliflower ears, I don't have one. I am not sure how that happened since mostly all I did in judo was matwork. Someone asked Ron about that once. He said you don't get cauliflower ears if you are always on top. So, I smacked him. He protested that he meant it completely innocently but I knew him better than that.

Actually, I did get whacked in the ear plenty of times, so I think I have just been lucky, not that it really matters. I can't say I am so grateful that my ears are fine because I am pretty certain that men notice things about women other than their ears. In fact, if you asked my husband,

"How many ears does AnnMaria have?"

He would probably give you an answer something like this:
"

Two. That's the normal number, right? Wait a minute - is this a trick question? She doesn't have another one, like a third one, a vestigial one, maybe hidden under her hair? Is this one of those things like our anniversary and her birthday that I am supposed to know about but don't? Yeah, she has two. I'm definitely sure of it."

And he would be happy that he knew I had two ears. So, yeah, the cauliflower thing, that doesn't matter.

Judo, honesty, courage, lies and USA Judo

I used to joke with my friends in karate that judo was an honest sport. You always hear people in karate say,
"Oh, I could have pulled your heart out through your left nostril right then but I pulled my punch."

I told them that in judo, if you could throw, choke, pin or armbar the other person, you did it. There is no,

"You hit him too hard and knocked him out, you are disqualified."

In judo, the unconscious person loses.

I may have to take back what I said. Even though I try very hard to teach young people to be honest, to show courage, it appears that USA Judo is the exact opposite.

A while back, my daughter posted about the affidavits alleging that Fletcher Thornton, a member of USA Judo had molested female athletes from 12-16 years of age. You can read some of the posts and accompanying public commentary on the judo info site under

Judo News

and

You can even see a picture of the alleged child molester in case, like any normal parent, you want to keep your child away from people who have had multiple affidavits filed saying that they molested children.

Now USA Judo has posted a statement on its website saying all of these allegations were investigated in 1983. I know this is a lie because I wrote a complaint in 2005 and a friend of mine wrote another complaint, also in 2005. Below is the letter I faxed to the Olympic committee today.


===================================

Date: July 20, 2008
To: United States Olympic Committee
From: AnnMaria Rousey De Mars
Subject: False statement by USA Judo Regarding Alleged Child Molester Fletcher Thornton

Let me state unequivocally that the statement issued by USA Judo regarding Fletcher Thornton is FALSE.
Complaints were made in 2005 by both me and by a young woman who was sexually abused as a minor female athlete. NEITHER of us were EVER notified of any hearing that occurred in 1982 or 1983. How we could appear as witnesses when neither of us were notified that a hearing occurred is baffling to me. I won the Senior Nationals in 1983. The young woman who wrote the 2005 complaint that she was molested by Fletcher was at the same event. Neither of us were among the original complainants nor were we even aware at that time that a hearing had occurred nor any investigation. If anyone had wanted to ask either of us about these events at either the U.S. Open or the Senior Nationals we were there. Anyone could have found us on the medal stand.
I filed a complaint of sexual harassment. The other young woman filed a complaint of sexual abuse occurring when she was 16. I am one of her witnesses as I had heard about it at the time at the junior nationals. There are other witnesses to similar events as those reported in the affidavits in the 1980s who were provided alcohol by Fletcher when they were under age. They were not notified either.

There is no evidence to show that I, nor the woman whose 2005 affidavit your attorney has, were ever notified a hearing occurred. I would have gone as her witness, had I been notified. There were others who would have gone as witnesses, had they been notified. All of us are willing to state under oath that we NEVER were told that an investigation was occurring or had occurred. I had no knowledge about this until I received the affidavits in the mail from an anonymous source in 2004 and I immediately contacted USA Judo.

The USA Judo argument seems to be this:

In the 1980s, some people stated that Fletcher Thornton had sex with them as minor athletes. They did not appear at hearing we held. Therefore, we are not going to hear any more complaints from women who say Fletcher sexually harassed or molested them even if they were not one of the original complainants, did not know a hearing occurred, were never contacted and did not know the findings existed.

I would think that if you had several complaints of sexual abuse at one point, and then later you have an additional person come forward who also states she was sexually abused by the same person, you would take that MORE seriously, not dismiss it.
AnnMaria Rousey De Mars
1982 U.S. Open Gold Medalist and 1983 Senior National Champion
==================

If you are a parent of a judo player or just a member of the public who thinks child molesting charges should be taken very seriously, please feel free to contact the U.S. Olympic Committee. Contact information copied from the Judo Forum is posted below:

"US Olympic Committee
Colorado Springs, CO 80901
Main Telephone: 719-866-4837
Fax: 719-632-2884

I also found these two numbers listed as well. (888) 659-8687 or
719.632.5551 "

Judo, Monkeys and Paintball

In this latest edition of Sneakerdoodle Zebra Judo, Julia De Mars, USJA Junior National Champion in the 9-10 middle weight division, interviews USJA Chief Operating Officer and Tournament Director for the USJA/ USJF Winter Nationals Gary Goltz on rollerblades. (Julia is on rollerblades, not Gary).

Julia asks some hard-driving questions, such as why judo is not more popular in the United States, what Gary's plans are for marketing judo and whether or not these plans include monkeys and paintball.

Also, it should be noted that Julia is a member of the 2016 Olympic Judo Team at 70kg. We have a plaque to prove it.




New Quiz Feature -- Are you brain-dead?

If an official had multiple signed affidavits stating that he had molested female minor athletes, would you:

A. Say that it was okay as long as there was no proof that children had been molested in the last ten years.

B. Appoint him Head of Delegation for a junior world team including two sixteen-year-old female players.

C. Suspend or expel him pending a full investigation.

D. Are you f#@$ing kidding me ? !!!!!

Variety (and harai goshi) are the spice of training center life

So, here is how it ends up (photo at right) - harai goshi: sweeping hip throw.

Since Victor Ortiz and Gary Butts had both headed up to the National Novice and Brown Belt Championships, only Tony Comfort and I were left home to run practice at the West Coast Judo Training Center on Saturday. Several of the players, Yazmin, Rachel, Sam and Amber were competing, along with Gavin, Tuoi and Eddie from Goltz's. With only 14 of us left behind it was a great opportunity to work on technique.

This is one of the needs the training center was designed to meet, enough coaches and few enough players to work on all of those little nuances of technique. Julia, Harout, Crystal and Elanette all use harai goshi in competition regularly. Tony worked on getting a dominant grip to begin.


Next, he emphasized getting your right foot (in right harai) placed correctly in front of your opponent's foot. He also emphasized the importance of getting your center of gravity lower than your opponent's.

Several times, he demonstrated each part of the throw, had the athletes practice on their own doing first uchikomi, then throws on the mat, then throws on the crash pad. Then he called everyone back and demonstrated again, correcting any errors.



Yes, I taught some stuff, too, but this post isn't about me or Tony or even harai goshi. It is about the training center and the fact that we do have short-term and long-term goals. In the short-term it is to work with each athlete individually to build on what they gain at their home club during the week, to correct any weaknesses we see, and, in the case of Julia, Harout, Erik, Elanette and Crystal this weekend, work on their strengths. In the long-run, we are aiming to build international players. In China, if you believe the LA Times, which I generally do, children are taken from their families and trained in sports schools from the age of 7. I don't advocate that but I am in favor of training talented youngsters with a long-term view.

Ronda and I talk about her coaching at the training center in the fall and I know she has some definite ideas as far as drill training, gripping, conditioning and standing techniques she wants to teach. Before September comes, we want most of the players to have several solid throwing and matwork techniques that they can do fluidly. They will have a basic understanding of gripfighting, how to break a sleeve grip, how to break a lapel grip, how to block a high grip. In short, they will have the building blocks. All of the older players will have a couple of good armbars.From last September until now, if you look at the players' judo, conditioning and attitude, they have taken a step up. From this September to next year, with the addition of our new coach, they will take another step.

Champions are made, not born and this is how you make them, one step at a time.



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