Friday, May 13, 2016

Four daughters, a dolphin suit and a caged weasel

I was listening to the Moth podcast today - recommended by my daughter, Jennifer and well worth the time, by the way - and a man was telling a story about rowing across the English Channel in a bathtub.

He even wrote a book about it called All at Sea: One Man, one bathtub, one really bad idea.

Listening to it, I had a very good idea. He made the point that you could do something really hard like climb Mount Everest or circumnavigate and the British public will say,

"Pssh! That's not that hard"

(The above is how I imagine British people talk.) However, he says, climb Mount Everest in a dolphin suit or walk around the globe carrying a caged weasel and people will say,

"Woo-hoo. Amazing! Get that man a medal!"

(I may have paraphrased about the weasel, but you get the idea.)

I've been trying to get more attention for 7 Generation Games, particularly our new game, Forgotten Trail, which is really good and going to be even more awesomely good because it is online and we can update it easily every month.

So, here, I thought, is an opportunity. Find something difficult that people do, like kayak the length of the Potomac or hike the Appalachian trail and then do it with all four daughters, while one of them is wearing a dolphin suit and carrying a caged weasel. That should attract attention! We could trade off on carrying the weasel.

Actually, this may be a ferret

Now, I only need three things:

  1. An activity to do. It can't involve too much running - no 100 mile races or anything like that, because I had one knee replaced and just came back from seeing the orthopedist about the other. Also, I HATE cold weather so tobogganing and other ice related things are out. We could walk every trail in the Santa Monica mountains or swim a mile in every pool in the United States - the weasel will have to be on the pool deck. We could drive cross country and stop at the dumbest tourist attraction in every state - world's largest statue of a buffalo, Corn Palace and largest ball of twine, I'm looking at YOU!
  2. A dolphin suit.
  3. A caged weasel.
Oh yeah, I also need to get the daughters on board and engage a camera crew.

I left messages with two of the daughters:

Hey, I have an idea that involves all four of you guys, a dolphin suit and a ferret. Call me back!

Neither of them called me back, ungrateful little bitches!

The third one answered her phone and said (I am not making this up)

I'll call you when I get inside, Mom. The Uber driver is just dropping me at my house. I just got back from having the cat shaved.

This revealed two things to me:

  1. Uber will  pick you up from just about anywhere, and
  2. Said daughter already possesses an animal carrier and experience carrying it around with a live furry creature inside.
This is not the first time she has had the cat shaved. Last time, her youngest sister, on seeing a cat with a Mohawk on its head and pretty much bald everywhere else asked,

What the hell did that cat ever do to you?

Her sister replied,

She questioned my authority.

Now I know that readers of this blog have a wide range of experiences and creativity, so it would be greatly appreciated if any of you could provide me with:
  • A recommended activity for setting a record, doable by people with bad knees and an aversion to cold. 
  • A dolphin suit
  • A weasel or possibly ferret
 OR ...

You could just buy Forgotten Trail. It's only $4.99. 

Play it. It's more than an ordinary game.


Anonymous said...

Longest Hug is doable: The current world record for longest hug is 24 hours and 33 minutes.

Fastest Time to Blow Up A Ballon Until It Pops

Fastest Time to Arrange a Chest Set

etc. GL!

MontanaAmerican said...

Come to Montana and swim across one of our lakes...I would suggest Lake Seely

Anonymous said...

Longest kiss? The current record is 58 hours, and has probably never been attempted in a dolphin suit, or with a weasel.