Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Promote Yourself - Judo's Latest Trend

I am busy with work so I apologize to those who look here for serious judo advice. Tomorrow I should have time to actually write a post I have been thinking about a long time, i.e., what are the advantages children have when their parent is their coach and why Ronda and Jimmy, Jr. have won most of the international medals over the last decade. (Did you know i.e. is the abbreviation for the Latin id est, which translates as "that is"? See, now you learned something from this blog.)

Tonight, I was talking to Serge Boussyou who I think is a really cool guy in part because he talks to me despite all of those who warn him that hanging out with AnnMaria is bad political ju-ju. We concluded that, because of his recalcitrant behavior he will probably never make it to the lofty ranks of buttkisse-dan . This led to our further conclusion that we should just make ranks up and award them to ourselves.

This method is illustrated below.

There are several advantages to this method over the current means of garnering ridiculous ranks. First of all, it can be done in your living room, greatly reducing travel costs. Secondly, having the vote by stuffed animals or actual puppets requires the same degree of thought of many puppet boards but saves oxygen which could be used by trees - no, I guess trees produce oxygen. Well, oxygen is a good thing to have, anyway, and we shouldn't waste it. Third, you can make up your ranks so be far more creative. I have previously suggested a belt with hooks or pouches where you can have your snacks, like pretzels, and attach your beer. Honestly, if you look at some of these guys who have these seventh and eighth-degree black belts, they have stomachs bigger than I did when I was nine months pregnant. So, I think the addition of a cup-holder on the belt would be practical. Here are a few of the titles I have awarded myself this week.

Woo-hoo shidan
Judo Empress
Mistress of all of the Known Martial Arts and Their Devoted Followers
Bob (when you spell it backwards, it's still Bob, so that is a hard title to beat)

The other thing I have noticed people who are busy promoting one another like to do is get themselves inducted into Halls of Fame, which have as their primary requirement paying a large fee for famousness. We ALMOST had a Mayo Quanchi Hall of Fame. The conversation went like this:

"I think I'll have a Mayo Quanchi Hall of Fame."
"That'd be great! Induct me. I'll fly out there."
"I could induct you, and Ronda ..."
"And we could have a Hall of Fame Dinner and Party at your house."
"... and Jim Pedro, Sr."
"And we could drink vodka and shots of whatever else you have in your house."
"We could charge a large fee to be inducted in the Hall of Fame and use it to support my kids' travel fund."
"Fee? I said I'd fly out there to party and do judo. I'm not paying you ---- ! "

Safe to say that the Mayo Quanchi Hall of Fame and Raising Money for Serge's Kids has yet to be established.

1 comment:

Bob C. said...

Dear Mistress of all and everything that is good and right,, I look forward to tomorrow because I just don't really know what to think about the past few post's ? Just do like this- when someone wants to move you up in rank do with the paperwork like the trophy's just toss it in the dumpster ! We have guys up here that are 6th dans that can't even do a rolling fall on there best day . Instead of giving a bunch of jokers 500 bucks for a piece paper take a car load of kids to a tournament or camp it will be money much better spent..